When they are not fiddling with their golf scores or stuffing small-denomination notes down a coked-up strippers G-string, bankers are a busy bunch. Far too busy to be surfing YouTube between porn downloads, aimlessly hoping for a solution to their problems. But that is exactly what they should be doing!* YouTube, that online celebration of inane Americana, occasionally throws up some pretty jaw-dropping solutions to the world’s woes.

The latest video – although perhaps posted about a year too late to save us all from Armageddon – will be welcomed by Wall Street’s titans. All those “Dear Gekko” prayers have come to something. They can now get unlimited credit repair for $35 a month. Take a look…

On its website, Source One Credit Repair says: “We have found that an average of 85% of all credit reports contain information that is erroneous, inaccurate or incomplete.” This was the strategy of every banking CEO worth his salt during the first few quarters of the credit crunch, so at least they know their soon-to-be client well.

They add that “a higher credit score can secure your financial future by helping you obtain funding to invest in your dreams … The sky is the limit when you have good credit.” Uh-oh! That sounds like the same attitude that got us into this situation in the first place… Aaaahhh fuggedaboudit. When Cap’n Crunch strikes again, at least we know it will only cost us $35 a month to send him home.

And if Dick Fuld, Pandit, Thain, and the rest are still not inspired, they should click through to the profile of escopata79, the guy who uploaded the company’s video. His favorite things to watch include “Girl With Big Tits Working Out” and “Cool Rap Video – Babes – Tits – Ass”.

Thirty five buck-a-roos a month for saving the world and a good knowledge of softcore titty porn to boot … these guys are perfect.

*Maybe minus the porn. When the secretary walks in, that could be awkward

About the author

Lunch is for Wimps used to trade currencies and equity indices – and even occasionally traded German government bonds when he was trying to cure insomnia. Watching Wall Street one night, he heard Gordon Gekko deliver the classic line: “if you want a friend, get a dog”. Unfortunately, a large build-up of ear wax led to him mishearing this piece of wisdom, and he ended up starting this damn blog when he should have been at the pet shop instead.

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